OTHER VOICES: Can I be honest with you? No, lie to me

By Nancy Friedman, Special to Tire Business

ST. LOUIS, Mo. — I recently posted a short comment about the conversational use of the rhetorical question, “Can I be honest with you?” — something often used in sales.

The responses I received contained a good amount of agreement that this is not a good phrase to use, so let's delve a bit deeper into this.

What are the ramifications of saying, “Can I be honest with you?” to a customer, prospect or anyone for that matter? To name a few:

• It's a ‘trust' violator.
• It's considered “social noise.”
• It reduces your credibility because, of course, people expect honesty. We call it a credibility buster.
• There's a hidden message in what you're saying.

And there are plenty of “cousins” to that phrase that are just as annoying. Do these sound familiar?

• Can I tell you the truth?
• Let me be perfectly frank.
• You want the truth?
• I'm gonna level with you.
• Can I be candid with you?

Do you feel there is an appropriate time when it's OK to use this phrase? Here are three reasons why you shouldn't:

• It's simply not effective — so avoid using it.
• It's a totally useless phrase and can really annoy anyone hearing it.
• This phrase questions your own integrity. Customers, family and friends expect the truth and your honesty.

When we hear someone ask, “Can I be honest with you?” we tend to wonder about the previous and forthcoming information. We expect the truth every time. So why use this disclaimer?

Here are a couple of replacements (there certainly are others) you might want to try out: “Here are my thoughts,” or “You make a good point; however, I was thinking about this….”

Can I be honest with you? Don't use it.

Nancy Friedman's columns appear periodically in Tire Business online and in print. She is president of St. Louis-based Telephone Doctor Inc., an international customer service training company. She can be reached via email at [email protected] or by phone at 314-291-1012. Her website is www.nancyfriedman.com.