Yeah, right
The plastic bag arrived via ``snail mail'' at Marketplace Central with a hermetically sealed note within pleading its case in large letters: ``WE CARE.''
It was the United States Postal Service's (USPS) version of going postal-or rather, a ``Dear John'' letter, only this one was to ``Dear Postal Customer.''
It truly brought crocodile tears to our eyes, reading that heartfelt apology: ``We sincerely regret the damage to your mail during handling by the Postal Service. We hope this incident did not inconvenience you. We realize that your mail is important to you and that you have every right to expect it to be delivered in good condition.
``Although every effort is made to prevent damage to the mail, occasionally this will occur because of the great volume handled and the rapid processing methods which must be employed to assure the most expeditious distribution possible.
``We hope you understand. We assure you that we are constantly striving to improve our processing methods in order that even a rare occurrence may be eliminated.
``Please accept our apologies.''
It was signed, ``Your Postmaster.''
Inside that plastic bag with the apology? Another plastic bag-just a plastic bag, with a mailing label stuck to it. We surmise the content of that bag-probably a magazine-now resides in that great ``dead letter'' bin where the sun never shines.
And they ``hope this incident did not inconvenience you''? Hard to tell, since we don't know what actually was in that mysterious bag. Perhaps notification that we'd won a humongous lottery prize. Or the Publisher's Clearing House sweepstakes. Or even a free set of steel-belted radials.
What women want
...besides men just leaving them the heck alone (at least sometimes), came out in a new survey of driving habits.
The hardly surprising results were summed up in the press release's headline: ``Women driven to distraction by men's irritating habits.'' (That certainly covers a lot of ground, doesn't it?) The info came out of Cardiff, Wales, from Diamond, identified as the trading name for a ``women's car insurance specialist'' from EUI Ltd.
Launched in 1997, the company said it saw a need for a women-only car insurance firm and has been able to offer women cheaper rates because, on the whole, ``women's car insurance claims cost less than men's.''
Its survey revealed that while half of women drivers believe they don't have ``irritating habits,'' 90 percent of them don't share that feeling when it comes to male drivers and their annoying habits. Diamond surveyed both male and female motorists to find out what irritates them most about other road users and passengers of both genders. And, it said, ``women were certainly harsher about men than the other way around-although they didn't escape criticism entirely.''
The survey found that:
31 percent of women think the most irritating driving habit men have is speeding;
30 percent of women said the most irritating driving habit men have is losing their temper;
17 percent of the women said men's tailgating bugged them; but
29 percent of men think the most irritating driving habit women have is lacking courtesy to other road users.
``The old stereotype that men are always criticizing women's driving has been turned on its head by these results, as it's definitely women who get the most irritated,'' Diamond Managing Director Sian Lewis said. ``However, the results do show something that isn't a surprise-men think they have less irritating driving habits than women.''
When it comes to passengers, male passengers irritate two-thirds of women, the Diamond survey found. Of those, 35 percent of the women are ``driven mad'' by men who criticize their driving and 17 percent can't stand it when their male passenger tries to give them directions when they already know where they're going. (Men giving directions?) Less than half of the men questioned found female passengers irritating, but having their driving criticized was also what annoyed the guys most.
Ten percent of the women surveyed said they're irritated when their male passenger keeps changing the radio stations or music selection.
Keep in mind that Diamond queried participants in the United Kingdom. Women in the U.S. certainly wouldn't voice those kinds of complaints...would they? Guys-you're being strangely silent.
This 'n' that
Fore!-Vanity license plate spotted near Akron: ``GON GOFN.'' (Maybe a tire company exec?)
* * *
A conundrum-Writer/educator A.C. Jolly notes: ``Why can't life's problems hit us when we're 17 and know everything?''
* * *
Odometer reading-``It's never crowded along the extra mile,'' according to Wayne Dyer, motivational speaker and author.
Pistol-packin' mama
Don't mess with a former Miss (America, that is).
Meet 82-year-old Venus Ramey, who recently displayed a talent probably not exhibited during the 1944 beauty pageant she won. She confronted a guy on her farm in Waynesburg, Ky., after noticing that her dog had run into a storage building where thieves previously ripped off old farm equipment.
Ms. Ramey-the first red-haired contestant to win the pageant, according to Wikipedia-told Fox News that when she caught up with the guy, he said he'd leave. Her retort: ``Oh, no you won't.'' Then, balancing on her walker, she pulled out a snub-nosed .38-caliber handgun and shot out the tires on the perp's vehicle.
``I didn't even think twice. I just went and did it,'' she said, adding that, ``if they'd even dared come close to me, they'd be six feet under by now.''
She then flagged down a passing motorist who called 911. The cops arrested an Ohio man and charged him with misdemeanor trespassing.
The escapade has landed the feisty, no-nonsense Ms. Ramey on The Tonight Show as well as in numerous newspapers worldwide. Maybe the pageant should add a category for sidearm etiquette.
Edited by Sigmund J. Mikolajczyk