We can't speak for the veracity of these quotes making the rounds on the Internet, but they sound plausible.
They've reportedly been heard in and around offices across the land. We'll call them ``boss-speak'' because they were supposedly said by the guys (or gals) in charge or, in some cases, their underlings.
Doing our part to pass them down from generation to generation, we offer the following. And if you see yourself in some of them...tch tch:
A direct boss-quote: ``We passed over a lot of good people to get to the ones we hired.''
During a meeting, da boss was heard to say: ``We are going to continue having these meetings, every day, until I find out why no work is getting done around here.''
``I didn't say it was your fault,'' the boss stated. ``I said I was going to blame it on you.''
And then, of course, there's the motivational sign that may ring true at some work places: ``The beatings will continue until morale improves.''
Never, ever, say to a female employee what this boss intoned: ``What you see as a glass ceiling, I see as a protective barrier.''
So you want to be in charge of your own life, huh? You may discover what this guy did: ``I thought my boss was an idiot so I quit to work for myself. My new boss is an idiot, too...but at least I respect him.''
Talk about up-and-comers, ``Some people climb the ladder of success,'' a worker said. ``My boss walked under it.''
In the following case the boss decided to override the decision of a task force he created to find a solution to a problem: ``I'm sorry if I ever gave you the impression your input would have any effect on my decision for the outcome of this project,'' he told the troops.
A human resources manager supposedly told a job candidate: ``I see you've had no computer training. Although that qualifies you for upper management, it means you're under-qualified for our entry-level positions.'' Touche.
And finally, one of our favorites, given as a response to a telephone inquiry: ``We're only hiring one summer intern this year, and we won't start interviewing candidates for that position until the boss's daughter finishes her summer classes.''
This 'n that
Sun lovers-The Specialty Equipment Market Association's enjoythedrive.com Web site was praising the glories of adding a sunroof to your vehicle, noting that, after all, you can't just make your car into a convertible by cutting off the top. Oh yeah?
Obviously, SEMA's word didn't reach Sonoma, Calif., where the other day we spotted, parked on a city street, a four-door 1960-vintage Ford Galaxie 500. The dude had simply cut the roof off to make an instant rag top, sans the rag.
So you wanna job?-One of the first rules of job hunting: Have someone proofread your resume. Would you hire the candidates who noted the following on their curriculum vitae?
``I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms.''
``Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.''
``It's best for employers that I not work with people.''
``I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.''
``Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.''
``Finished eighth in my class of 10.''
And here's the one you'll really want to hire ASAP: ``References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me.''
Card sharks-A story on the front page of the July 8 issue of Tire Business Staff Reported on the raging wildfires in the Southwest that were threatening a number of tire dealerships, including some in the Arizona town of Show Low.
Now, as Paul Harvey says, we'll give you ``the rest of the story'' on how that town, established in 1870, got its name. C.E. Cooley and Marion Clark decided there wasn't enough room for both of them in their settlement (the ``get out of Dodge in your Dodge'' syndrome). So, according to the city's Web site, they agreed to let a game of cards decide who was to move. As the story goes, Mr. Clark said: ``If you can show low, you win.'' Mr. Cooley turned up the deuce of clubs and replied, ``Show low it is.''
They give good fax
At least they thought they did. But a judge didn't seem to think so.
An Illinois car dealership probably wishes it got a few more busy signals after agreeing to settle a class-action lawsuit for $6.5 million over charges it faxed unsolicited ``junk fax'' advertisements-which are barred by federal law-to more than 33,000 businesses and homes in early 2001. An attorney who filed the case last year said, according to an Associated Press story cited on the just-auto.com Web site, that Newbold Toyota-BMW of O'Fallon didn't know the practice was illegal when they hired a company to do the advertising.
If a judge approves the settlement after a September hearing, the AP said, every person who received one of those naughty faxes can claim as much as $500 for each ad they got. That's the standard penalty under the U.S. federal Telephone Consumer Protection Act.
The AP also said notice of the settlement was sent by the firm that did the faxing to the 33,000 phone numbers it originally pestered. And how did they send the info? By fax, of course. That ad company, by the way, is out of business, an attorney reported.
Time for another round
Walt Newman, general manager of Newman Tire Co. in the burb of Farmville, Va., (50 miles west of Richmond) got a call from a local General Motors Corp. car dealership and was simply filling an order for some tires for police pursuit vehicles when he nearly fell over chuckling.
On the sidewall of the Goodyear Eagle RSA's he spied a DOT code that, frankly, made him thirsty. Sandwiched in between the data for the plant where the tires were made and when they were built was the shift and/or mold number, he said. Take a gander at the photo below (note the arrow) indicating that the tire apparently was made on the ``BEER'' shift. (As far as we know, it was not out-of-round.)
Newman Tire, a one-location retail/commercial dealership, has been in business since 1940 and is owned by Mr. Newman's mother, Jane Newman Hines. The company handles all types of tires and some retreads, as well. ``If it's black and round, we'll get it,'' Mr. Newman said.
Referring to the odd DOT code, he told Tire Business: ``If there's two things most tire guys know, it's tires and beer!''
And, hiccup, we'll drink to that.