Uh...check the oil, too
As you may know, we absolutely revel in dumb crook-type stories, but the following one, repeated in the Akron Beacon Journal, may be a classic.
Seems three guys waltzed into a Davenport, Wash., tire store to pull a heist. Ah, but you need a diversion, they thought. So they drove their car into a service bay and requested a new set of tires be installed. Meanwhile, two of the men walked inside the dealership and while one distracted the cashier, the other opened the register and grabbed the cash.
Time for a fast getaway? But wait.
Because they'd asked for some new rubber, their car was three feet off the ground with all four tires removed. Hot-footing it out of the place, sans vehicle, they were apprehended relatively quickly.
Perhaps if they'd asked for the speed lane service....
This 'n that
Cold and lonely—Norwegian adventurer Borge Ousland, 38, set off Feb. 20 for Siberia seeking to be the first person to ski alone and unaided from Russia over the North Pole to Canada. He already holds four polar records, the Associated Press noted, including for the first unaided solo trek across Antarctica.
How did he train for his latest challenge? By dragging tires behind him as he skied with 175 pounds of old phone books and lead in his backpack. (Somedays we feel just like that.)
A real page turner—It's been described as a funny, unique, electronic children's picture and coloring book by award-winning nature photographers Leo and Dorothy Keeler about America's last wilderness, Alaska.
But we're still trying to figure out why they called the book Tell Me Why...My Armpits Won't Dry. As far as we know it's, ahem, a Secret.
The "Intimidator" wasn't alone—As tragic as the accident was that killed NASCAR champion Dale Earnhardt on the last lap of the recent Daytona 500, his name was 27th on a list of drivers who have lost their lives in racing-related mishaps at Daytona International Speedway since the track opened in 1959. Among that group was Billy Drew Wade, who died Jan. 5, 1965, during a NASCAR stock car tire test.
What're they "fishing" for?—We got a chuckle from the headline in the Tire Tracks newsletter of the Georgia Tire Dealers & Retreaders Association.
It beckoned readers to watch for details on the "First Annual Hookers & Slicers Day." Reminds us of a joke we can't repeat here about a slicer working in a pickle factory.
Meanwhile, out in the dot com jungle—Not only in Vegas can you probably find just about anything that interests you. The Internet has an amazing, dizzying, eclectic array of Web sites for things from the serious to the sublime to the utterly ridiculous. Try these on for size:
If you're interested in viewing a collection of the "most hideous cars in Britain," surf on over to to the site at www.uglycars.co.uk.
Want to know how to use vegetable oil to run your car? (And please let us know if it works.) Then try out www.greasecar.com.
And for those who love to speed, and the faster, sportier and exotic the car the better, visit www.greed4speed.com.
Bumper snickers—Looking for just the right thing to say on the bumper of your ride? These messages come from the Beck/Arnley Worldparts Corp. newsletter's "Parting Shots" column:
"Don't steal. The government hates competition."
"Out of my mind. Back in five minutes."
"Towers will be violated."
"Flying saucers are real, the Air Force doesn't exist."
"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"
"Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder."
A brute by any other name
Let's see, Dopey, Sneezey, Bashful and...Unimog?
No, the new monster-sized sport-utility vehicle from DaimlerChrysler A.G. won't be mistaken for any kind of dwarf. The so-called Unimog, the German acronym for "Universal Motorized Unit," makes even General Motors Corp.'s Hummer look like a baby SUV. Based on a German military transport, the 'mog stands 9 feet 7 inches tall, is almost three feet taller than the tallest SUV, and to get into the front seat—the cab is seven feet off the ground—you need a ladder.
According to news reports, it's 20 feet long, which is more than a foot longer than Ford Motor Co.'s Excursion—the longest sport-utility vehicle on the market today. And width-wise, it's two feet wider than a typical car and 3.5 inches wider than a Hummer. It's actually 7 feet 6 inches wide when measured at the tires.
But the really astounding thing—other than its base price tag of $84,000—is that, at 12,500 pounds, the Unimog weighs more than two Chevy Suburbans or four Toyota Camry sedans. A real gas guzzler, you chide? Ha! The diesel-fueled Unimog has a 52-gallon tank and will get about 10 miles per.
DaimlerChrysler's Freightliner truck subsidiary will build Unimogs for the American civilian market at a factory in Gaggenau, Germany, and plans to start taking orders for this bad boy in October. Its target audience is suburban markets.
The cover of the sales brochure for the vehicle brags: "You don't need roads when you can make your own." (If you don't mind a few crushed cars, snapped trees and flattened houses along the way.)