Only in America, said Tonight Show host Jay Leno, would Republican presidential contender Steve Forbes-reportedly worth $150 million-spend some $25 million seeking the party's nomination for a job paying $200,000. ``And he's supposed to be a financial expert!'' Interview with a vampire
While we're on the subject of GOP presidential wannabe's, in a recent Wall Street Journal sketch of Texas Sen. Phil , 53, political scientist Gary Halter, an adviser to Texas A*&*M's College Democrats club, commented on the abrasive politician's ability to bounce back from political adversity. At one time the senator taught economics at the school.
``I didn't think he could be elected to the House, and he was,'' Mr. Halter noted. ``I didn't think he could be elected to the Senate, and here he is. I don't think he can be elected president.
``But the problem is, he's like Dracula. You drive a stake in his heart, and he just keeps coming back.''
Ride, Sally, ride
Front-page item in the Dec. 15 Wall Street Journal: U.S. Attorney General Janet Reno danced barefoot to ``Mustang Sally'' at a Justice Department holiday party. Talk about a slow news day.
Who'da thunk typing could be so dangerous? (Hear that, boss?) It's not like you're operating heavy equipment.
Government statistics note the nation had 114 typewriter-related deaths in 1995.
Deaths? Leaves a lot to the old imagination. Remember, don't use your electric typewriter in the bathtub.
You think you've got problems with the OSHA man? A guy in Dayton, Ohio, was left out in the cold by the long arm of a nosy, heartless city official.
Using a homemade snow compactor and 6,000 gallons of water, the man built an igloo in his backyard for his daughter. Then he got a visit by a building inspector who, according to National Public Radio, demanded the igloo be dismantled because the man did not have a building permit, and the ``structure'' did not meet Dayton building codes. Sheesh.
Selling the juice
A Marketplace award for merchandising audacity has got to go to O.J. ``These gloves are too tight'' Simpson, for selling his $29.95 videotape take on the brutal murder of his ex-wife, Nicole, and her friend, Ronald Goldman.
The ``interview'' was conducted by a former TV news reporter who reportedly had quit covering the case because of the ``tabloid'' treatment it was receiving. ``Scruples'' ain't his middle name.
In the spirit of those old Vegamatic TV infomercials, O.J. slices, he dices. . .
You've heard of wearing your heart on your sleeve. For a while last year, Ron Lischeid proudly chose to display his loyalties elsewhere (see photo below).
The owner of Maple Grove Auto Service, Maple Grove, Minn., known to friends and competitors as ``Papa Ron,'' is a staunch Automotive Service Association member, an ASA-Accredited Automotive Manager and president of the ASA of Minnesota.
And, as if you couldn't tell, he's quite the character. His business card says he's the ``world's first personality by-pass recipient,'' then goes on to list almost three dozen of his other ``attributes'' and ``services'' his dealership offers.
Such as: Cheap mufflers installed. Front ends aligned, rear ends admired. Credit ratings ruined. Expert on navel lint. Speedometers altered (just kidding,Ron?). Square enough to be hip. Personal trainer for the Energizer rabbit . . And other traits a bit too risque to mention.
In one of his TIRE BUSINESS columns last year, Dan Marinucci related the story about how-during an ASA state convention ``fashion show'' put on by a uniform supply company-the bear-like Papa Ron ``modeled'' what the chic auto service tech was wearing. He strutted his stuff, to the roars of the audience.
Beam us up, Scotty
Astronomers in Mountainview, Calif., have some high-tech gizmo they've been using to try to find intelligent life on distant stars and planets by analyzing radio waves bouncing around the atmosphere. (Have they tried pointing that baby at Los Angeles?)
They really thought they were onto something, National Public Radio reported, after spending a couple hours honing in on a particular signal-until they realized it was coming from the radio in a nearby taxicab.
Later, these astronomers got their hopes up again, only to discover another signal was coming from their office's microwave oven.
Talk about intelligent life, these guys are ripe for their own TV sitcom. How about ``Fourth Rock from Uranus.''