In Cleveland, a radio talk show was fielding calls from listeners about the moronic things people do. A hardware store employee said a woman came in lugging her Toro snow blower, claiming it wouldn't run. Since that brand has a reputation for reliability, he started down a diagnostic checklist, but came to a screeching halt after asking what kind of oil she used in the engine.
Why, Wesson oil, of course, she replied!
Talk about being down a quart.
Another hardware store clerk filled a customer's request for a bag of metal screws. Later, the guy came storming in yelling that the screws were defective.
Seems he was looking for a more permanent way to fasten the hubcaps to his car's wheels. So he drilled right through the rim-and the first tire bead-flattening the tire. But did he stop there? Noooooo. . . Kept right on drilling, until all four tires were flat!
In this case, drowning in the gene pool takes on a whole new meaning.
Bend over and . . .
Clever advertising slogan: Prestone's ice melting product, ``Driveway Heat,'' uses the tagline, ``Kiss your ice goodbye!''
License plate-making inmates mentioned in an American Woman Motorscene magazine article suggested a ``vanity'' plate for the late Richard M. Nixon's car: ``Pardon Me.''
What are some of the biggest complaints at venues like the overwhelmingly huge Automotive Aftermarket Industry Week trade shows recently held in Las Vegas? Sore feet from trudging miles on the show floors, and sore shoulders from carrying around tons of brochures and flyers.
At those shows, a local Las Vegas company, Minute Massage Therapy, cashed in on showgoers' aches and pains.
The firm offered seated back and foot massages at $10 for 10 minutes, $15 for 15 minutes, and $20 for 20 minutes. A spokeswoman said business usually picked up by late afternoon. Four days into the shows, Minute Massage had already done ``several hundred'' rub downs.
It's a service long, long overdue.
The top 10 most stressful jobs, according to Jobs Rated Almanac (where's ``tire dealer'' and ``retreader''?):
#1-U.S. President; #2-firefighter; #3-senior corporate executive (tire dealers could qualify); #4-Indy class race-car driver; #5-taxi driver; #6-surgeon; #7-astronaut; #8-police officer; #9-NFL football player; and #10-air-traffic controller.
Greetings from the tidy bowl
Our so-called love affair with our cars apparently doesn't apply to cleaning up those chariots.
A while back, a Japanese seat-belt supplier blamed sloppy Americans as the cause of latch deterioration which led to a massive seat belt recall.
Ziebart TidyCar, the auto detailing and rustproofing folks, surveyed their 300 U.S. dealers on some of the more unusual things found in cars they've reconditioned. And we're not talking the usual french fries and half-eaten Whoppers.
The Associated Press reported the following:
Behind the spare tire in a car he was cleaning, a technician found an urn filled with grandma's ashes, and discovered a stuffed armadillo and a man's leopard-print G-string under a seat. (Now there's one wild and kinky guy.)
Another car owner had what he thought was a fail-safe car security device, and he warned the tech to stay out of the trunk. ``. . . I keep a snake in there that I put on the front seat when I park in unsafe neighborhoods,'' he explained.
An AMC Gremlin brought in for cleaning wasn't just transportation for its owner. The entire hatchback area served as a cat litter box, without the box-just a three-inch layer of used kitty litter.
Air freshener, anyone?
Better than 'RAid'
We'd just love to have this lethal weapon in our insect eradication arsenal.
A magazine advertisement by Porsche Cars North America Inc. for its latest turbo blares: ``Kills bugs fast,'' adding, ``Up to 181 mph, to be exact (if you've got your own racetrack).''
In tiny, tiny type that is frankly so small it looks like bug droppings, the ad notes that the car maker ``recommends seat belt usage and observance of all traffic laws at all times.''
Right. Especially in all those 100 mph-plus speed zones?
Never say die
On the subject of bugs. . . Two old-time tire retreaders overheard greeting each other at the recent AAIW trade shows in ``Lost Wages,'' Nev.:
``How've you been?''
``Oh. . .hangin' in there. We're like cockroaches-when the world ends, we'll still be here.''